


a series of stupid decisions

by bluewritessometimes



Category: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
Genre: Archivist Martin Blackwood, Crack, M/M, Multi, Nonbinary Jonathan "Jon" Sims | The Archivist, Nonbinary Martin Blackwood, Other, Pining, Texting, anyways yes this is a chatfic, chatfic, why isn't that a tag it should be by now, yeah i think i made everyone a little nonbinary oops
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-26
Updated: 2020-10-16
Packaged: 2021-03-07 19:42:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,977
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26663128
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bluewritessometimes/pseuds/bluewritessometimes
Summary: The ceaseless watcher seems to have decided it would be more interesting if Martin were the Archivist. So, here we are.(aka- i wanted to write archivist!martin but i'm physically incapable of writing anything serious.)
Relationships: Georgie Barker/Sasha James/Melanie King, Martin Blackwood/Jonathan "Jon" Sims | The Archivist, probably some other ships too idk
Comments: 10
Kudos: 78





	1. archival assistants make stupid decisions

**Author's Note:**

> yeahhh, i started another fic. whoops. 
> 
> anyways! enjoy this absolute mess of a fic. 
> 
> (content warnings, if applicable, will come before each chapter.)

_**timothy stokes** has created a group chat!_

_**timothy stokes** has added **sashaaa** and **jon sims** to the chat. _

_**timothy stokes** has renamed the group chat **the best people in the institute (also jon)**_

**timothy stokes:** gaaaaang 

**timothy sokes:** i made the group chat :D 

**sashaaa:** :D 

**jon sims:** *gun emoji* 

**timothy stokes:** so LADS

**timothy stokes:** thots on our new boss? 

**jon sims:** who, blackwood? 

**sashaaa:** *martin 

**sashaaa:** he asked us to call them martin 

**timothy stokes:** but sashaaaaa, thats unprofessionallllllllll! 

**timothy stokes:** but yes jon. thots on martin/blackwood/our new and probably underqualfied boss

**jon sims:** he is underqualified I agree 

**sashaaa:** wowwww rude

**jon sims:** that doesn’t make them a bad archivist tho! just means that the one time I talked to him they confessed to knowing nothing about their job which makes me a little concerned! 

**timothy stonks:** mm valid

**timothy stonks:** ok so we know jon thinks that they’d be a better archivist than dear old marto wbu sash? 

**jon sims:** I did not say that. 

**sashaaa:** I think they’re lovely! I worked with him in library for a bit and they make amazing tea

**timothy stonks:** ooo tea

**timothy stonks:** wait tea like the drink or tea like the gossip 

**sashaaa:** tea like the drink

**timothy stonks:** ok good

**jon sims:** god I want some tea

**timothy stonks:** ask martin then! they’re in their office!

**jon sims:** tim have you met me

**jon sims:** I don’t initiate social interaction 

**sashaaa:** your loss

**timothy stonks:** we should be working rn anyways

**timothy stonks:** does anyone here even know what we do an archive? 

**jon sims:** archive, presumably 

**timothy stonks:** yeah no shit sherlock 

**sashaaa:** maybe ask martin where he wants us to start? 

**sashaaa:** gosh, this place is /really/ disorganized

**jon sims:** yeahhhhhh

**jon sims:** from what I’ve heard the previous head archivist went a little off the deep end when she got older wasn’t able to keep the archives in proper condition 

**timothy stonks:** oof 

**sashaaa:** didnt she have assistants to help her?

**jon sims:** I’m not sure, actually 

**timothy stonks:** i mean i wouldnt blame her assistants for not wanting to work for a senile old woman 

**sashaaa:** martin says pick a box and start going through the statements to see if there are any supplementary materials

**sashaaa:** and if there’s any further research we can do on them 

**sashaaa:** they wanna do the statements in some kind of order but they also think that’s not possible with the archives in this state so :/ 

**timothy stonks:** oh sweet! dibs on the most fucked up statement in the box

**jon sims:** whatever makes you happy tim

**timothy stonks:** aw <3 

**sashaaa:** seriously we should prolly get off this chat if we’re gonna start working

**sashaaa:** if u wanna talk we can just. work in the same room 

**jon sims:** oh good point

**sashaaa:** i have a box of statements in the room w the burnt tables if you wanna join me

**timothy stonks:** omw!! 

_**@martinblackwood** to **@sashaaa**_

**martinblackwood:** sasha you’re good with computers right? 

**sashaaa:** last i checked yea

**martinblackwood:** would you mind helping me out then? I think my recording software is acting up

**sashaaa:** sure thing! :) 

_**the best people in the institute (also jon)** _

**timothy stonks:** you’ve been in there for like two hours sash

**timothy stonks:** how broken is martin’s software jfc 

**sashaaa:** 1) it’s only been forty-five minutes

**sashaaa:** 2) it’s working fine, actually. it just refuses to record certain statements 

**jon sims:** so it’s not working fine.

**sashaaa:** no that’s the weird part

**sashaaa:** the equipment is broken or anything. and it records most things fine. it just wont record like, two specific statements. 

**timothy stonks:** weird 

**sashaaa:** yeah

**sashaaa:** i think i’m just gonna try some different software to see if that works better

**jon sims:** you’d better come back soon tim is starting to drive me crazy 

**sashaaa:** oh god what is he doing now

**timothy stonks:** i’m telling them about my favorite band!

**timothy stonks:** it’s not my fault they dont want to sing along

**jon sims:** he’s playing a song about how some obnoxious guy died and got ressurected i don’t wanna listen to that sash!

**timothy stonks:** he actually doesnt get resurrected during the song, that happens later 

**jon sims:** do I look like I care

**sashaaa:** lmao

**sashaa:** but yes i am coming back soon, there’s only so many times I can listen to audio corruption without hearing damage 

**jon sims:** thank god

_**@elias buchard** to **@THE CEASELESS WATCHER**_

**elias buchard:** you’re _sure_ you want this one as your archivist? 

**elias buchard:** and the assistants too? they’re incredibly irritating 

**THE CEASELESS WATCHER:** YES. 

**THE CEASELESS WATCHER:** IT WILL ALL BECOME APPARENT IN TIME, JONAH. 

**elias buchard:** didn’t you say that if we let jon become archivist he’d be the fastest way to the apocalypse? 

**THE CEASELESS WATCHER:** I DID SAY THAT. IT IS STILL TRUE. 

**elias buchard:** then why is _martin_ the archivist? 

**THE CEASELESS WATCHER:** I’M NOT TELLING. 

**elias buchard:** you’re the fucking eye! that’s your job! 

_**@THE CEASELESS WATCHER** is offline. _

**elias buchard:** well fuck you too ig


	2. literally nothing happens

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me: finally, a project based on my current interests that i can update frequently! 
> 
> my brain: hello! would you like to have an intense mechs hyperfixation that will make it physically impossible to think about anything else
> 
> anyways yeah! enjoy this chapter of mostly nothing, i'll try to update more frequently but no promises :P

_**the best people in the institute (also jon)** _

**timothy stonks:** hey gang!

**jon sims:** hello tim

**sashaaa:** heyo!

**timothy stonks:** so what would everyone say to going out for lunch today? at the new italian place maybe?

**sashaaa:** oh i’d love that!!

**timothy stonks:** jon? 

**jon sims:** ugh

**jon sims:** yeah fine

**timothy stonks:** :D 

**timothy stonks:** you do love us!!

**jon sims:** that’s preposterous. you have no basis for these claims. 

_**timothy stonks** changed **jon sims** ’s name to **they do love us!**_

**they do love us!:** I’m going to slit your throat. 

**sashaaa:** can i help? 

**timothy stonks:** >:( you guys are mean

_**they do love us!** changed their name to **wanted for murder**_

**wanted for murder:** yes sash you can help

**sashaaa:** yay! 

_**sashaaa** changed their name to **also wanted for murder**_

**_wanted for murder_ ** _changed **timothy stonks** ’s name to **murder victim**_

**murder victim:** ANYWAY 

**murder victim:** lunch at 12? 

**wanted for murder:** yeah that sounds good 

**also wanted for murder:** yep! 

_**avatars fear gods and rituals oh my** _

_**worm wife** added **martinblackwood** to the chat!_

**Clown Wife:** Oh, Is This The New Archivist? 

**worm wife:** yep! 

**Clown Wife:** Lovely! 

**martinblackwood:** what is this chat

**martinblackwood:** do i know you people? 

**worm wife:** not yet! 

_**web wife** changed **martinblackwood** ’s name to **elias but better**_

**elias but better:** WHAT is going on

**who keeps letting him in:** wait why are they here???

**who keeps letting him in:** he’s not an avatar yet? 

**worm wife:** he’s going to be

**Clown Wife:** She’s Just Planning Ahead!

**worm wife:** i’m just planning ahead! 

**who keeps letting him in:** no but that messes up my whole plan! 

**fire wife:** lmao you have a plan? 

**who keeps letting him in:** …

**who keeps letting him in:** in theory 

**elias but better:** okay, would anyone care to tell me what’s going on? 

**fire wife:** nah you’ll figure it out

**Clown Wife:** All You Need To Know Right Now Is That We’re You’re New Friends! And We Won’t Hurt You As Long As You Don’t Try To Stop Our Rituals! 

**elias but better:** vaguely threatening but ok

**who keeps letting him in:** you really should be getting back to work, martin. 

**elias but better:** w

**elias but better:** elias?????

_**@sashaaa** to **@timothy stonks**_

**sashaaa:** sooooo

**sashaaa:** have you noticed something going on with jon?

**timothy stonks:** no??

**timothy stonks:** is smth wrong or

**sashaaa:** you really didn’t notice it

**timothy stonks:** what am i supposed to be noticing?? 

**sashaaa:** nvm 

**timothy stonks:** i’m so confused sasha WHAT

_**the best people in the institute (also jon)** _

**murder victim:** WOW that place had really crappy pizza

**also wanted for murder:** yeahhhhhh

**wanted for murder:** I mean I thought it was okay

**murder victim:** you don’t have standards jon you dont get a vote

**wanted for murder:** I have standards!

**also wanted for murder:** lies

**wanted for murder:** rude

**murder victim:** shit martin’s coming over everyone look like you’re doing work

_**@sashaaa** to **@timothy stonks**_

**sashaaa:** do you still not see it??

**timothy stonks:** see what???

**sashaaa:** jfc 


	3. uhh i'm really bad at titling chapters

_**avatars fear gods and rituals oh my** _

**join my gym:** alright where did my femur go

 **door wife:** which femur? u have several

 **join my gym:** you know wihch one

 **join my gym:** give me back my femur, helen

 **door wife:** tbh i didnt think you would notice it was gone

**join my gym: __**_give me back my femur, helen_

**door wife:** no <3 

**join my gym: _@black hole sun wife_** come on help me out here

 **black hole sun wife:** no lmao 

**join my gym:** manuela i thought we were friends! 

**black hole sun wife:** we are but this is funny 

**join my gym:** rude

 **BONE HANDS:** i will get your femur for u :)))

 **join my gym:** thakn yu mike 

**door wife:** traitor

 **elias but better:** what the actual fuck is going on in this chat

_**the best people in the institute (also jon)** _

**also wanted for murder:** lads i have had a Thought

 **murder victim:** :0 

**murder victim:** sash once again proves that they hold the braincell

 **also wanted for murder:** sjstrhhhh 

**also wanted for murder:** anyways i was thinking what if we made a groupchat for everyone in the archives? including martin? 

**also wanted for murder:** yknow so we can ask questions about the work n stuff

 **murder victim:** ohhhh smart

 **murder victim:** yeah i'd be down! 

**also wanted for murder:** nice! jon 👀? 

**wanted for murder:** uhhh 

**wanted for murder:** yeah that sounds fine! 

**also wanted for murder:** lovely!

_**sashaaa** has created a groupchat. _

_**sashaaa** has added **jon sims** , **timothy stonks** , and **martinblackwood** to the chat. _

_**sashaaa** has renamed the chat **archives gang!**_

**sashaaa:** hey all! made this chat so that we could discuss statements, work, & general archives stuff! 

**martinblackwood:** ohhh, smart

_**sashaaa** has changed **martinblackwood's** name to **martinnn**_

**_sashaaa_ ** _has changed **timothy stonk** 's name to **timmm**_

**_sashaaa_ ** _has changed **jon sim's** name to **jonnn**_

**sashaaa:** anyways yeah have fun!

_**lovely ghost ladies <3** _

**ghost academia:** i am SCREAMING rn 

**ghost academia:** one of my coworkers is SO OBVIOUSLY in love with our boss and my other coworker hasn't noticed

 **ghostube:** oh oof

 **ghost academia:** it's kind of driving me crazy ngl

 **ghosts but podcast:** all of your coworkers sound really stupid noah fence

 **ghost academia:** they areeee

 **ghostube:** lock them in a closet and force them to confess their feelings

 **ghosts but podcast:** mel

 **ghosts but podcast:** love 

**ghosts but podcast:** has that EVER ended well

 **ghost academia:** honestly i think they'd break down the door before confessing anything

 **ghostube:** f

 **ghostube:** well if they're that stupid just let them pine lmao it's not your problem

 **ghost academia:** yeah ig not 

**ghostube:** you’re gonna try to set them up anyways aren’t u

 **ghost academia:** mayyyybe 

**ghostube:** ugh 

**ghostube:** well have fun failing miserably 

**ghost academia:** I will <3 

_**@elias buchard** to **@THE CEASELESS WATCHER**_

**THE CEASELESS WATCHER:** I’M GOING TO BE BUSY ON FRIDAY AND I CAN’T GIVE YOU MY POWERS OF OMNIPOTENCE FROM ABOUT 5-8 PM. APOLOGIES FOR THE INCONVENIENCE. 

**elias buchard:** can’t you give me powers of omnipotence /while/ you’re doing whatever you need to do?? 

**THE CEASELESS WATCHER:** I COULD. 

**THE CEASELESS WATCHER:** BUT THAT WOULD TAKE A LOT MORE EFFORT THAN I’D LIKE TO EXPEND. 

**elias buchard:** how am i supposed to get anything done without your powers though???? 

**THE CEASELESS WATCHER:** I DON’T KNOW. ASK ROSIE. SHE SEEMS TO BE MUCH MORE PRODUCTIVE THAN YOU AND SHE NEVER HAS ANY EYE POWERS. 

**elias buchard:** rosie doesn’t need to keep an eye on the archives at all times. 

**THE CEASELESS WATCHER:** NEITHER DO YOU. 

**elias buchard:** what are you even going to be doing on friday??

_**THE CEASELESS WATCHER** is offline. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and thus begins my descent into sasha/melanie/georgie shipping hell!! please join me i'm having a lot of fun
> 
> also i think i forgot to mention this but i'm also on tumblr @thedarkdeservedbetter ! if you wanna see my nonsense on multiple platforms hsjsjsf


End file.
